Be all that you can be - not so easy

Dearest sister,

On this, the eve of my quarter century mark, I write you in full melodramatic crisis. Our generation was raised to know that we were special, empowered, could achieve anything we set our minds to, and that we had such incredible potential to change/save the world. Trouble is, after we make it through those years of being a herolded and championed youth, we graduate and get kicked out of the proverbial nest to go spread our wings and actually DO all this stuff we're supposed to be achieving (while another crop comes up right behind us). I'm in full turmoil over what exactly I'm supposed to be doing and how on earth to go about doing it.

I think it was easier for me while I was in school - I knew the system, knew what was expected and what I expected of myself and it was alright because school was exactly what I was supposed to focus on. Now that I'm out, I don't know any more. Each thing I do seems silly and not valuable enough and I'm just treading water, ambling along without any accomplishment and before I know it I'll be 30, 35, 40, etc and have done not even half of what I was supposed to do.

[took break to clear my head by spending 45 min. at the gym]

When I mention this to anyone older than me (boss, co-worker, relative, wisened friend) they either try to pat me on the head "you just haven't grown up yet and are still young and restless" or they take offense because "I had to scratch and claw my way for the last 20 years to get to this only marginally successful position, so by golly you'll have to too, you ungrateful child." I don't accept either option - but I'm clearly struggling with this transition.

Obviously I'm not the first one to go through a crisis like this - but how much of my frustration is just the process of growing up and coming to terms with this "reality" of disfuctional institutions and broken systems and learning to mature and make peace and how much is people giving up their ambitious fire and dreams and becoming complacent and even getting their hearts broken in the process?

While I'm really quite upset, I don't want comforting - I actually don't want to calm down, since that's the very thing I'm afraid of - I want to stay fired up!!! I just have to keep moving and hoping that eventually I'll find my way to the right thing or series of things and it will work out alright, but I'd sure love to have a better vision of what it looks like!

Thanks for listening. Love you.